An Experiment with Plants

I have plants in my house! Why you may ask is that a big deal? Many if not most people have a plant or two in their homes. Well, I would answer, because I have a black thumb. I initially wrote “brown thumb” until my husband said that wasn’t the right term (I then incredulously googled it to confirm). He was right , but it does seem a bit harsh! I could absolutely be in the top five fastest to kill a sturdy plant competition. It’s a talent.

I always thought there was nothing to plant ownership. My dad had a green thumb. In the 80s and 90s, he cultivated aloe plants in our small backyard in Puerto Rico. There were about twenty of them. He and my mom used to cut leaves and use the inside to make an “anti-aging” concoction before that was even a thing. While I couldn’t get past the taste, my parents cheerfully drank it. They also slathered the gooey inside on their faces claiming it kept them looking young though I think probably genetics had more to do with it. My dad was certainly ahead of his time in using these plants to try to keep aging at bay.

Anyway, back to my skill set or lack thereof. In graduate school, in an attempt at making my little basement apartment homier, I purchased a cactus which I was told any dummy could keep alive. Well, apparently, not this dummy. I spoke to it, I played music for it, I overwatered it and I killed it.

I do have personality traits that don’t lend themselves to plant survival. Over worrying, over thinking, desire to show affection and caring often, an inability to do nothing, impatience and obsessing over things. Still, years later in my own home, having managed to keep a Labrador and two children alive, I thought I would try again. I bought another cactus. I looked at it, but tried not to think about it. I left it alone for the most part, but it seemed to need a bigger pot and its roots strangled themselves. It’s all or nothing with me.

Some more years passed and I started getting Instagram ads for the company Easyplant. The joke in our home was that if we ever went somewhere selling plants the plants would all try to hide knowing if I picked them, it would mean certain death. I kept seeing the ads and averting my eyes (like the plants) trying to avoid another fiasco. Then one day I clicked on the ad and read their claim that even black thumbs could grow plants successfully. I did not believe it, so I scrolled away. But the algorithm wouldn’t let me forget. So eventually I caved and bought three plants from the company. Such an easy mark, the algorithm congratulated himself. I bought one small plant and two medium ones. Large and jumbo seemed like I would have been tempting fate. It’s been a few hours but so far so good. Fingers crossed.

***

It’s now been a month. I decided to wait before posting this piece hoping to have positive results to report. Ever the optimist. I set my Alexa reminder for one month to water my three plants then. When my youngest came home from college he saw the plants and said, “look at us all fancy with plants in the house.”

I did have a bit of a scare when the money tree got all droopy within the first few weeks. I reached out to customer service with pictures and inquiries. I was assured that the plant had enough light and the soil seemed moist enough so I should just give the plant some time. So far all three remain alive. It remains to be seen.

It’s now been two months- two are thriving, but that darn money tree is barely hanging on. No money for us, I guess. Still, I enjoy seeing my two thriving plants with new buds coming out and I appreciate the self-restraint I’m learning. Even when my inclination is to water it more, move it so it gets better lighting, talk to it to keep it company, I’m learning to just not. Slowly, I’m learning that sometimes doing nothing is truly the best course of action.